The Official Old Time Family Baseball Holiday Shopping Guide

The holidays are here, and though the preparation stage is often brutal, like the Christmas Virgil, I’m here to guide you through the complex web of baseball-related gift possibilities. Whether you’re looking for a great present to reward a loved one or a proper gift to punish an enemy, I’ve got you covered. 

I have broken down the following into categories for ease of use, and don’t forget, it’s up to us to save the American economy.

BOOKS

The Good:


Flip Flop Fly Ball: An Infographic Baseball Adventure

Chances are if you’re reading this site, you’re already familiar with Mr. Robinson’s work. If you are, why wouldn’t you want a hardcopy of his work? And if you’re not, the question remains the same. 

The Bizarre:


The Baseball Astrologer: And Other Weird Tales

What’s the first thing you think of when it comes to Christmas? Exactly, the occult. 

MOVIES

The Good:

Moneyball

A baseball movie about numbers? What’s next, actors played by computers? The DVD won’t be released until January so I may be stretching the definition just a tad, but if you can overlook some factual inaccuracies, you’ll enjoy one of the best and strangest baseball movies to ever be released. And who knows, maybe Barry Zito, Tim Hudson, and Mark Mulder are in the deleted extras.

The Bizarre:


Battlefield Baseball

Here, I’ll let FrankFob2 over at imdb explain:

"Battlefield Baseball is a tough game—it doesn’t end until all the members on the opposing team are dead. In this game the Gedo High team is composed of blue-faced zombies, and their opponents on the Seido High team know they don’t have a chance at beating them unless they can bring back a star pitcher who has a lethal pitch called the Super Tornado, but who has hung up his cleats and has no desire to return to the game." 

Dear lord, how can you not afford to own this classic piece of cinema?

CLOTHING

The Good:


Chris Sabo tee from Homage

The world’s gotta be an all right place if you there are tee-shirts of an early 90s goggled hockey player-turned-baseballer easily available. Chris Sabo was also nicknamed Spuds after the dog in the beer commercial. Which is also a thing. 

The Bizarre:

Cubs Beaded Bra by DAZLbyKW

Yeah, this makes up for 100 years of futility. 

AUDIO

The Good:

Seattle Mariners 20th Anniversary

For those that still can’t get used to hearing Mariners games without Dave Niehaus’ voice, this should be as soothing as a lullaby.

The Bizarre:


Never Slow Down, Never Grow Old

I can only hope Gammons singing voice is just as stilted as his speaking one

HOUSEHOLD DISPLAY

The Good:


No Pepper by Huntington Base Ball Company 

If only Pierce Brosnan had this sign in Mrs. Doubtfire, perhaps Robin Williams would still be in drag. 

The Bizarre:


Baseball Cutout

What better way to display your fandom than with a random, faceless, completely generic baseball player? One who’s not even wearing stirrup socks? 

FOOD

The Good:


Regulation size baseball cookie cutter

There is nothing I hate more than making baseball sugar cookies when I realize that the size of my cookies are not Major League regulation size. Thankfully, the Cooperstown Cookie Company took care of that problem.

The Bizarre:

Ballpark Gum

Hot dogs, peanuts, and beer are all be delicious and wonderful things on their own, even elevated to the sublime when consumed at the park, but turned into a gumball, I’m not so sure. If you’re willing to test the limits of science and human decency, more power to you.

LIBATIONS

The Good: 

Brooklyn Pennant Ale

My personal favorite beer, brewed in honor of Dem Bums. For all of you who live in the New York area, consider yourselves blessed. 

The Bizarre: 

Tokyo Yakult Swallows Baseball Beer

Originally brewed by Kizakura, I have no idea if this beer is still available, but if it is, I’d imagine it’s reason enough to quickly book a flight over to Japan. 

TOYS

The Good: 

Strat-O-Matic Baseball

The precursor to both fantasy baseball and realistic video games, this is still the standard for baseball strategy games. With the ability to customize teams and Hall of Fame or Negro League options readily available (I own a 2008 Atlantic League set), it’s probably the best way to keep a little baseball in your life when you decide to “rough it” for a few days in a secluded cabin. Walden would have never been written if this game existed.  

The Bizarre: 


Jim Thome Pro Baseball Game

When I think of Jim Thome, my first thought may be “Bunyanesque”, but my second is definitely “base-stealing.” I have no idea how this game is played or what exactly may be contained inside the box (I’m thinking the key to curing cancer could be held within), but if you’re curiosity isn’t piqued, then you’re probably an unfeeling sociopath. 

Happy shopping! And if there’s anything on your list that I failed to mention, shoot me a line or leave a comment. 

(Thanks to Dan for the idea and be sure to support your local and independent stores.) 

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