Proper Compensation for Theo Epstein

Despite Theo Epstein’s friendly reminder of “Take Alfonso Soriano for example. No, seriously,Take him,” the Red Sox and Cubs haven’t been able to come to an agreement regarding proper compensation for Theo’s departure. With the issue now at Bud Selig’s door, meaning we have two/two-and-a-half years to wait for an answer, I thought I’d lend a hand.

Here are a few ideas on how the Cubs could compensate the Red Sox and make sure Theo Epstein and Ben Cherington remain the best of friends:

Shawon Dunston Jr jersey autographed by Ryne Sandberg’s son, Ryan.
A couple cases of Old Style and some Abe Froman sausage.
Leftover Sammy Sosa swag from under the stadium.
Cirque tickets.
Theo Epstein’s cat.
Weekend bender in Vegas with a bunch of dudes and one guy gets lost, like, on a roof or something, you know, like in that movie Hangover.
Tour through the secret passageways where the Cubs hold terrifying, Gozerian rituals to bring about the end of the world.
$5,000 in non-consecutive, unmarked bills.
The rights to Ernie Banks’ memories.

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