The Long National Nightmare is Over

Said Jim Crane, new owner of the Astros:

“One thing that we are not going to change is the name. We received strong feedback and consensus among season ticket holders and many fans, and we will not change the name Astros. The Houston Astros are here to stay.”

Which is corporate speak for “all the windows in my Crown Victoria had been smashed in by rainbow colored bricks. And Charlie Kerfeld wouldn’t stop calling the house.”

Conspiracy theorists are quick to point out however, that it may have all been a clever ruse by Crane to deflect attention away from Carlos Lee’s cattle ranch that is currently being constructed in left field.