Ways Baseball Boyfriend Could Be Even Worse

Yesterday, when news of a a new fantasy baseball game geared towards women called “Baseball Boyfriend” came out, the internet erupted in anger. Not only was this yet another attempt at patronizing women by assuming they could only be entertained by the hot players rather than the on-field action, it also assumes they would want their stat pages to be filled with hearts scrawled on notebook paper. From the website copy:

“Baseball Boyfriend is a single draftee, fantasy baseball, mini game. You collect points based on your boyfriend’s stats for the day. Each day, you can pick a new hottie or hang onto your hunk. The one with the most points at the end of the season wins.”

While the field is wide open for a new, simplified fantasy game to step in and snag those people (note: not just women) intimidated by terms like “roto 5x5 NL only, OBP instead of AVG,” this isn’t it. Still, if the game wanted to truly be offensive, it could have added a few more features:

Forget about on-field results, the scoring criteria will be solely on cup and bicep size.
Those numbers too confusing for your head? Don’t worry, with our TOO PRETTY FOR MATH widget, all statistics will be converted into steamy vampire-romance novellas.
The winner of each league will receive our patented 50 Tips to a Better Beach Body guide and the 100 Ways to Please Your Man pamphlets.
For hardcore players, they may want the Baseball Husband feature. You’ll never die a miserable, lonely spinster with Baseball Husband!
Need a boost in the standings? Send in hawt photos of you kissing another girl for attention at a party for a FREE powerboost!

Sadly, this post is sure to spark some marketer to stroke his goatee and excitedly exclaim, “I’m going to be rich!”