Old Time Family Baseball

From the Sun-Sentinel: 

“Is Carlos going to hit one of my players? No. I managed another team for eight years and you never saw anything with players. That’s going to be a no-no. If you’re going to talk about your teammates, be ready for the biggest fight because I will fight you. You will kick my butt because I’m old and out of shape, but I will give you a good fight...If you’re upset because you sucked, pitch better.”

Why do I have a feeling this conversation will be heard at some point in the Miami clubhouse next year? 

Carlos Zambrano: Hey, look friend, let’s just cut the shit. Now we both know why I was transferred. Everybody thinks I’m suicidal, in which case, I’m ficked and nobody wants to work with me; or they think I’m faking to draw a psycho pension, in which case, I’m ficked and nobody wants to work with me. Basically, I’m ficked. 

Ozzie Guillen: Guess what? 

Carlos Zambrano: What? 

Ozzie Guillen: I don’t want to work with you! 

Carlos Zambrano: Hey, don’t. 

Ozzie Guillen: Ain’t got no choice! Looks like we both been ficked! 

Carlos Zambrano: Terrific. 

Ozzie Guillen: God hates me. That’s what it is. 

Carlos Zambrano: Hate him back; it works for me.

Ozzie Guillen: God Carlos Mencia is funny than crab great! Make me cry is so good!