Charitable Contributions to the City of Las Vegas’ Chamber of Commerce

This weekend, I’ll be visiting Las Vegas, the city of romance, for the first time ever. I’m not the Vegas-type, even with Celine Dion there, but I do plan on taking advantage of the variety of 51s gear that’s available. I assume that’s the reason most people go?

I’ll also be every bookie’s wet dream. My plan is to walk into the nearest sports book and, with cash in hand, say “Hello good sir. I do not know how to operate within this betting apparatus, but I would like to give you my money. All of my money.”

This is what I’m putting down for the 2012 season. Are these bad ideas?

$10 on the Pirates winning the World Series.
$20 on the Tigers winning the World Series.
$30 on Jose Canseco looking for a job on Twitter.
$800 on Jose Canseco looking for love. On Twitter.
$50 on Craig Counsell making a triumphant on-field return.
$100 on Jamie Moyer making a triumphant on-field return.
$200 on a starting pitching prospect blowing out an elbow.
$500 on Juan Pierre bunting in his first at-bat.
$1,000 on Adam Dunn striking out in his first at-bat.
$4,000 on Adam Dunn crying after that at-bat.
$8,000 on Carlos Zambrano punching someone.
$12,000 that an undeserving player will be elected to the All-Star game
$15,000 that a sportswriter will make up a stat when mocking sabermetrics
$20,000 on a sabermetrician making up a word when mocking a writer.
$50,000 on Jim Leyland changing to menthols.

So if any of you get a phone call this weekend from a guy screaming about missing kidneys and broken kneecaps, please remember this post and help a brother out.