The Escalating Madness of the CJ Wilson and Mike Napoli Prank War
After Mike Napoli claimed that he was looking forward to hitting a few dingers off of CJ Wilson this season, Wilson retaliated by posting Napoli’s phone number on Twitter. While some may think the prank was funny, others found it mean-spirited, possibly even in violation of the league’s social media policy. Mike Napoli, for one, did not enjoy it, saying:
“I don’t even know why he did it. You don’t do that. I am not taking it as a prank. You know, I haven’t even talked to him since the end of last season. We don’t have that type of relationship.”
However, as any one who has ever engaged in a prank war knows, it can never end with mere words. No, Mike Napoli will strike back. Where? When? Who knows.
After consulting with many a military strategist, below features the future escalation of the Wilson-Napoli prank war:
- Mike Napoli tweets CJ Wilson’s home address.
- Wilson makes copies of Napoli’s house keys, giving them away to the first 1,000 people at the ballpark.
- Napoli spikes the straight edge Wilson’s drink with alcohol.
- Wilson spikes Napoli’s drink with roofies.
- Napoli spikes Wilson’s drink with a non-lethal poison.
- Wilson releases of a pit of venomous snakes in Napoli’s bed.
- Napoli hires a crew to fake a break-in at Wilson’s home. One man is shot, non-critically.
- Wilson takes out bank loans in Napoli’s name, never paying them and ruining Napoli’s credit.
- Napoli cuts Wilson’s brake lines. Wilson is injured.
- Wilson sets fire to Napoli’s bedroom. Napoli dies.
- Napoli haunts Wilson, driving him to suicide.
- They become best friends in heaven.
As is painfully obvious, prank wars are not victimless crimes.