Jamie Moyer’s Important Dates

June 1, 1773: Resolved Henry Moyer is born in Puritan, Massachusetts.

November 18, 1962: Changes name to Jamie Moyer in Sellersville, PA. Is re-born. 

June 16, 1982: Pitches and wins first Major League game. 

April 17, 2012: Becomes oldest pitcher to win Major League game. 

July 7, 2014: Right arm flies off his body and strikes a batter during a game. Massive reconstructive surgery ensues to put it back on. 

May 19, 2017: Jamie Moyer returns to the mound. Throws 67 mph. 

August 2, 2023: Becomes oldest player in Major League history at 60 years old. 

September 3, 2023: Jamie Moyer has replaces left hip with titanium alloy. Also, shoulder now mostly held together by nanites. 

March 17, 2031: Jamie Moyer makes Opening Day roster for the Southern Moon Dust Mites. 

July 18, 2035: Moon is blown up by vengeful aliens. Jamie Moyer is kidnapped. 

July 30, 2035: Jamie Moyer, using all of his wiles, escapes from aliens. 

April 5, 2036: After floating through space on alien technology, trying to find an inhabited world, Moyer crash lands onto Zabar6. Zabars believe him to be some kind of god. 

June 12, 2037: Zabar6 holds its first baseball game. Jamie Moyer throws a complete game shutout. 

August 1, 2044: After being elected to Zabar Hall of Fame, Moyer asks to be returned to his world. 

August 7, 2044: Finds that Earth has been destroyed by asteroid. Nothing survives. 

August 8, 2044: And yet, Bud Selig is still commissioner of baseball. 

August 9, 2044: Jamie Moyer cries. Then throws a bullpen session with no one but a few single celled organisms in attendance. He touches 37 mph, but has a dozen pitches. 

June 17, 2045: Moyer mates with Zabar6 female. They give birth to new breed of man. 


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