Barry Zito and Matt Cain Talk After Today’s Giants Loss

As Matt Cain finishes dressing and goes to leave, Barry Zito accosts him by his locker.

ZITO

Hey Matt, how you feeling?

CAIN

Good, good. Perfect game, you know? Heh heh.

ZITO

Yeah…actually, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. See…

CAIN

What’s up?

ZITO

Well, I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll just come right out: you used up all the outs.

CAIN

What?

ZITO

Yeah, I’m not mad or whatever, but you used up all the outs.

CAIN

I heard you. What does that mean?

ZITO

Well, like, I don’t want to brag or nothing, but I’ve kind of figured out this pitching thing.

CAIN

You gave up four runs to Texas last time out.

ZITO

Yeah, but that’s Texas. Have you seen the size of their forearms? Beefy. They’re enormous, beefy guys. That’s like giving up no runs to everyone else. And today I gave up five runs to the Astros. The Astros, Matt. You might remember them, you threw a perfect game against them…?

CAIN

Yeah. Barry, I remember them, I just don’t—

ZITO

So you know they stink. They even have a child playing for them!

CAIN

Barry…his name’s Jose Altuve. And he’s very good.

ZITO

Sure, he’s good! For a kid. Maybe one day he’ll grow up to have big strong arms like those Texas guys, but he should be in school. Why wasn’t he in school today?

CAIN

(sighs)

I don’t know Barry. I don’t know. I gotta go.

ZITO

Yeah, yeah, I hear that. Just next time, please refill the outs for the rest of us? Okay, I don’t like getting to the ballpark and finding that there are no outs. We’re a team, Matt, not one of those guys who plays drums with his feet while blowing a horn and stuff.

CAIN

Sure, Barry. I’ll remember that. Have a good night.

Matt Cain exits. Barry does tai chi. Everyone else soon leaves, they turn the lights off. Barry Zito continues to do tai chi in the dark.