The New Yorker’s Response to the Red Sox

The Internet is a beast that is easy to predict. Let’s take the Red Sox 2012 season for example.

Facebook: Good riddance, Josh Beckett. Eat more fried chicken and beer, you asshole!!!!! I want my life back. Carl Crawford doesn’t know how to play baseball and Adrian Gonzalez doesn’t care about sports. Laaaaaame.

Twitter: #RedSox learn money can’t buy class. Or championships. You need a new disguise, Bobby V! #NYY #MLB #TeamFollowback

Reddit:

But the New Yorker, trying to save us from a life vapid stupidity, always manages to elevate the discourse. Even if I only understand roughly 25% of what is going on.

From Nicholas Thompson:

“…the Red Sox of 2012 are, in fact, quite a bit like the U.S.S.R. in 1989. They tried to keep up financially, and intellectually, with their rival for many years. Glasnost has passed; the end is here.

Ben Cherington, the new general manager of the Red Sox, to stretch the analogy, is Gorbachev. He started in the job this year, and tried to clean up the mess. But he was stymied by the old guard—including owners who foisted the current, and awful, manager, Bobby Valentine—on him, and now he has to move drastically. Crawford is like Kazakhstan, expensive but troubled; Beckett is Georgia, valuable but liable to start a war; Nick Punto, the throw-in utility infielder is Moldova; Gonzalez, the valuable breadbasket, is the Ukraine. And John Lackey, the grumpy pitcher who stays behind, is now Chechnya.”

Did you think you were going to get a Moldova reference today? Well, of course you did. But that’s only because you’re better than me.