Thanks to TMZ (an article opener I never thought I would type), we now know that the Chattanooga Lookouts, the Dodgers AA affiliate, have an ass tattoo occupying left field. Nestled warmly between MurMaid Mattresses and Jat Oil rests a posterior tattoo for Champy’s Chicken. It shows great want on behalf of the tatooee and an excellent way to establish market visibility in the current overburdened advertising climate. Or something.
That said, if someone’s going to get an ass tattoo, especially one that’s going to wind up in left field, here are a few better options.
The Donkey Baseball - It’s an ass…on an ass…playing baseball! Seriously, what could be better?
The Ball’s In Play: Let people know what’s in and/or out of bounds. Best part, it’s totally subjective. Lay down your own ground rules, like the cat walk at Tropicana Field.
Ken Griffey Jr’s Swollen Head: Perfect for your swollen, fat butt.
The Bobby V: Don’t hide your true feelings.
The Incognito Bobby V: Yes, hide your true feelings.
The Colon Colon: Come on, did you really think I wouldn’t stoop to this?
The Mom: A simple, baseball-tinged classic.
The Allan “Butt” Selig: This tattoo will last until Bud Selig steps down as commissioner. In other words, FOREVER!
The Don’t Rub It: Combine a baseball axiom with everyone’s favorite activity: rubbin’ butts.
The Paul Assenmacher - Come on, it’s perfect!