For A Team Named After Space, the Astros Are Really Bad At Playing Outside of Houston

The Houston Astros are a special kind of bad. Which is okay when the team, like the Astros have done under Jeff Luhnow, fully embrace their badness. Like that guy did in that popular science fiction movie: Real Genius. Only out of the depth of brick-and-black hell, can they return to prominence.

Against the Pittsburgh Pirates (losers of 11 of 15, another kind of bad), the Houston Astros emerged with a rare road victory. Back in Houston, the spacemen are playing to a semi-respectable .412 winning percentage, but on the road the team’s hatred of Comfort Suites and Quality Inns has lead them to a 14-53 mark, good for a .208 mark. With fourteen road games left to play, the Astros will need to elevate that winning percentage and win four games to avoid tying the 1963 Mets and 2010 Pirates for worst road record in a Major League season at 17-64.

But take comfort, Astros fans, for at least your team is safe from matching the 1899 Cleveland Spiders who went 11-101 on the road. The Spiders are given a pass for their shoddy performance because not only did they play the majority of their games on the road, but their roster featured two Chiefs, a Sport, and a Kid in addition to a Crazy and Highball. All they’re missing is a “Boss” and “Kemosabe” and they’d have the a lineup of “Names the guy at the 7-11 calls me when I buy a Buffalo Chicken Taquito.”