Jeff Kent Respects His Porn Stache

Jeff Kent can be a lot of things to people: a damn fine hitter, an unskilled motorcycle washer, and, if you’re Barry Bonds, a mortal enemy. But the one thing that was never disputed was his ability to not only grow, but maintain a mustache that, at best, resembles a stain.

But with another season of Survivor about to start up, and Jeff Kent a member of its storied cast, Gordon Holmes got to sit down and ask the hard-hitting questions.

“KENT: I was known as one of the only guys in baseball to still have the porn-stache of the ‘80s who was still playing in the ‘90s. There is one kid here who’s wearing a whole lot of New York Yankees get-up, so hopefully he won’t catch on.

HOLMES: Ever thought of losing the porn-stache?

KENT: I’ve only shaved it off one time, and that was in the World Series in 2002 and we ended up losing. I was so bitter I went home and shaved my mustache. The next day I looked in the mirror and thought, “What an ugly bastard you are.” So, I let it grow back. I haven’t shaved it since.”

With Keith Hernandez threatening to shorn his face bristles, Major League Baseball’s mustache economy is threatening to enter its worst depression since the early 90s. Viewers can only hope that Kent remains on Survivor long enough to see us through this difficult period, hopefully bridging the gap to Eric Berger’s debut.

For more on Kent and Survivor, check out the Hall of Very Good.