Bud Selig’s Contingency Plans
As of this writing, at 9:18 pm Eastern Time, St. Louis leads San Francisco 3 - 1 in the bottom of the seventh in Game Three. Kyle Lohse lasted 5.2 innings, while Matt Cain is still technically in the game for the Giants. The big hit in this one so far was a two-run home run, courtesy of Matt Carpenter in the bottom of the third. However, Carlos Beltran left the game in the second with a knee injury. Rain has frozen this game in time, defying everything we know about time as a social construction.
With the game almost postponed, it makes me wonder - what exactly would happen if the rain kept going? Would Selig still award the win to the Cardinals? Would he postpone everything and have the teams pick it back up when the weather cleared out completely? But what if the rain really didn’t stop? How long would it take for things to quickly go south, plunging the world into darkness and setting MLB ablaze? Well sure enough, Selig actually has several contingency plans for deciding the winners of playoff games, including the World Series, if inclement weather should dominate the day.
- The greatest fighters from across the globe assemble for a winner-take-all world tournament replay of the baseball season, with each MLB team having a corresponding representative. After brawls in such locations as, “Visitors Dugout At Dawn,” “Derek Jeter’s Penthouse,” “Old Junkyard Where They Play Baseball,” complete with fist-pumping spectators in the background, the last fighter standing claims the World Series championship for their assigned team.
- Bud Selig, refusing to yield to reason: “Seal them all in. Let no one out until the game is done.” ”But Mr. Selig, the rain is forecast -” ”The last man who disobeyed my command was Ross Gload. Believe me, you don’t want to make an enemy out of me.”
- MLB allows the two teams to continue, despite the torrential downpour. The two teams go on to enter into a complete deadlock, with the score having been 26 - 26 entering into the tenth inning. Precious fans are left, but those that stay are treated to 15 more innings of back-and-forth playoff baseball until one team, which shall remain nameless, wins on a walk off fielder’s choice.
- Once the number of fans remaining in the stands dwindles to ten, MLB announces that the last fan sitting will get to choose the winning team. There are no bathroom or food breaks, no movement allowed whatsoever. After three days, Jonah Derry of Berkeley, CA emerges as victorious. He chooses the Giants as the winner of the game. Selig awards the win to the Cardinals instead and bans the Giants from the playoffs for 11 years.
- The above scenario unfolds in the same way, except the winning fan turns out to be Harrison Moore of Chicago, IL. Harrison chooses the Cubs. Selig decides to cancel the remainder of the playoffs and awards the World Series Title to the Brewers.