Now that we’ve finished with “Ed” and while we wait to watch “Kill the Umpire” and “Squeeze Play,” here are a few movies that I’d like Hollywood to rush into production. Like, today, if possible.
In the year 4054, long after the Earth has exploded, the USS EBBETS floats in outer space, looking for a hospitable planet for the remaining members of the human race. While out there, a group of aliens encounter our ship and challenge the inhabitants to a game of baseball. The winner gets to live, the loser is destroyed with SPACE LAZERS. With the contributions of Ken Griffey XIII and RA Dickey (the original. As a knuckleballer, he can continue pitching for literally ever), the humans are able to defeat the aliens and continue living.
Wyatt Earp: Hired Gun
(purchase print by Andy Thomas here)
After the Gunfight at the OK Corral, Wyatt Earp disappears into the wilderness, tired of all the gunfighting. But when a barnstorming baseball team kidnaps his children and wife, threatening to kill them, Earp has to come out of retirement. Only this time, the only gunslinging he’ll be doing is throwing pitches. Though he lacks the zip he once had, Earp mixes speeds and locations effectively, twirling his mustache after every strikeout. TWIST ENDING: It was all in his mind because he went crazy.
To Bean or Not To Bean
An update on the classic play, Hamlet, this time Hamlet is the captain of a minor league baseball team in the 1950s when the manager dies of mysterious circumstances. When a new manager takes over, Hamlet is despondent until he falls in love with the new bat girl, Ophelia. Unfortunately, at practice one day, Hamlet accidentally kills Polonius with high fastball and the blood bath begins. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to be played by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern.
ROBOT LOVE BASEBALL
It’s the near future and robots have become fully integrated into society. To try and maintain some sanctity in the sport, players must be 55% flesh and blood to play Major League Baseball. But what happens when a young child, his parents hiding his true robot nature from him, starts tearing the cover off the ball in high school and draws the attention of scouts? And what if this robot learns to love?
We’ve just passed the $1,900 mark and are inching towards $2,000. How cool would you feel if you were the person that got us to that mark? Pretty cool, I’d bet. So please, help Doctors Without Borders, an organization that provides necessary and life-saving aid in developing and war torn nations. Please donate what you can today.