Old Time Family Baseball

An Anatomic Guide to the Phanatic Anatomy

a) Keen eyesight— better than that of a kestrel or #6 hitter but not quite as good as that of an owl or lead-off man.

b) Tri-lobed protective eye flaps.

c) Red cap on the crown is a diagnostic characteristic for this species.

d) Additional feathers protect eyes further from harsh airborne infield and warning track dust.

e) Elongated beak, non-bony, more heavily feathered at tip and base to protect against unexpected dangers in food items, such as spines, retractable claws, designated hitters, etc; capable at its mouth end of enclosing a human head of average size.

f) Tongue extends rapidly, micro-barbed for maximum opposing fan annoyance.

g) Tough pad on inner side of hands allows for greater grip, especially on hot-dog-firing air guns.

h) Crop, used to store ballpark peanuts to be digested later.

i) Gizzard, filled with grinding stones to break up food items.

j) Tail feathers are used in mating and dominance displays, both often directed at umpires.

k) Large free-swinging abdomen, a result of unique ‘detached’ pelvis, a key feature in this species’ distinctive locomotion.

l) Unusual ‘overplumage’; compressed and pinstriped feathers over base feathers.

m) Adapted wing structure.

n) Foot features three fore-toes and one gripping hind-toe.

o) Cloaca.

p) When not perching, smoother strutting is achieved by eliminating individual toe drag.

q) Leg patterning follows a ‘stirrupped’ format.

Samara Pearlstein writes and draws Roar of the Tigers and Blue Cats, Red Sox. Find her on Twitter @RoarTigers.

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