Kevin Eis: Baseball is Illogical

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I love baseball, I really do. It’s better than football and basketball. By far. Nothing more American than going to a ball game with your dad. Nothing better than watching your favorite team in the world series. The sport means a lot to me, because it represents a great time of life. The time, from the ages of 9 to 14, when I legitimately believed I had a shot at being the starting center fielder for the Yankees. I really believed that, so I loved the sport. But then some logic settled in, I realized how fat and Jewish I was, and I pursued other ventures. But baseball will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart, but there are certain elements about ‘America’s Pastime’ that really confuse me. 

Firstly, let’s talk about the hats. The fact that we still wear the same kind of hat they did a hundred years ago is ridiculous. You’d think if we’d gone out of our way enough to make great batting gloves, lighter cleats, easier uniforms, we’d have made hats more aerodynamic, or we’d eliminate them to begin with. 

Secondly, no stadium is exactly the same. That’s kind of unfair. In no other sport does the location really matter. Yeah, being home vs. the away team always has it’s advantages. But in baseball you got to deal with both that and a stadium that you’re not accustomed to. Playing in Detroit must suck for outfielders, the fence is at least ten feet further than any other team’s stadium. Playing in Oakland sucks for everyone because the foul territory is absurdly large being that they share a stadium with the Raiders. You’d think the oldest sport would have some rationale. 

Another thing that really riles me up… Who’s idea was it that an article of clothing should represent a baseball team? And two of them?! Red AND White Sox. I mean why socks? The epitome of dirty clothing. Come on. I’d rather see the Chicago Gabardine Pants or the San Francisco Fine Woolen Tunics represent my city. 

With all this being said, it kind of makes me like the game a whole lot more. It’s a quirky sport. It’s so unprofessional but taken so seriously. It’s the only game that never ends until the game is over. No clocks, no time limits. A game can go on forever. Also, it’s the only sport that gives a percentage, albeit VERY small percentage, of it’s attendees a shot at a souvenir. I have caught two foul balls and one home run in my time going to games as a kid. Not many people I know have even come close to doing that once. And because of that I firmly believe baseball loves me back. As illogical and quirky this sport may be, I will always love it. 

Kevin Eis is a writer/producer living in Los Angeles. You can check out his work at and Follow him on Twitter at @oysterkev! 


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