The Phillies Hate You

Yes, you. The Phillies actually hate you. Ruben Amaro, when he wakes up in the morning, looks in the mirror and psyches himself up by figuring out ways to make you angry. 

See, it was defensible when the Phillies gave Ryan Howard a $125 million contract. Sure, there was no way Howard was worth that much money and he almost certainly would go downhill before it wrapped up in the 2016 season, but Howard was a longball crushing first baseman on a team that was in the midst of their greatest stretch of play in quite some time. Sometimes fans and players deserve to stay together. 

But things are getting a little wacky this offseason.

First, the Phillies signed traded for human grit and gumption machine, Michael Young. While Young is a the quintessential “professional hitter, in that he earn his living by hitting the ball, Young is now 36 and coming off the worst season of his career. He’ll now be expected to play third base every day on a team with no real power threat outside of Howard and whatever Utley can muster. At this point, showing up every day is really Young’s greatest skill. 

The Phillies then signed the 27-year-old Delmon Young to play right field. Maybe you haven’t watched baseball for the last four years and you think that’s great. Well, I’m here to catch you up. Delmon Young, once a top prospect, must have experimented with time travel because he looks, plays, and moves like a player entering his early 40s. He can barely run and his outfield routes are closer to Sunday mystery drives than something that could be called a direct path to the ball. While his base contract is low, clocking in at only $800,000, he could earn another $600,000 by making his goal weight at periodic check-ins. Yes, the Phillies are a glorified Weight Watchers program, too. 

This says nothing about Delmon Young’s admitted hate crime, either. 

Today though, Ruben Amaro proved just how much he hates you, internet baseball fan, even releasing a statement saying, “I’m going to find you and I’m going to make you suffer.” The Phillies have signed Yuniesky Betancourt to a minor league deal. 

Minor league deal, you say, why should I care about that? A minor league deal for a player who can cut it at shortstop in a pinch, why, that’s not the worst thing in the world. And it’s not. Should there be an injury, having a player like Betancourt only a phone call away could actually be helpful. 

But given the amount of internet verbiage out there against Betancourt, and well, it’s just proof proof that Amaro doesn’t like you very much. 

  1. the-vinsane-world reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball and added:
    Wait they are stock piling mediocrity
  2. bionocs reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball
  3. travisequalsmusic said: Have fun with Yuniesky Betancourt, Philadelphia….
  4. fifthstarter said: As a non-Phillies fan, I mostly figure RAJ is trying to come up with ways to make me laugh.
  5. stayflymyfriends reblogged this from sharksdonthavescales and added:
    Pretty fucking much
  6. sharksdonthavescales reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball
  7. mmgolfs reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball
  8. jcork319 reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball
  9. terminalimpacts said: they traded for young
  10. oldtimefamilybaseball posted this
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