The Myriad Ways the Yankees Hope to Void Alex Rodriguez’s Contract
As reported by Wallace Matthews and Andrew Marchand, the New York Yankees are currently looking at ways that they can void Alex Rodriguez’s contract and the $114 million they owe him after this morning’s fresh steroid allegations came to light.
While it will be an uphill legal battle, the Yankees are prepared to get creative. Here are a few of the options the team’s inner circle is kicking around:
- Rip up the contract because that’s how it works in cartoons.
- Trick Alex Rodriguez into signing a new contract that pays him $200 a week for not coming near Yankee Stadium anymore.
- Fake Alex Rodriguez’s death. Hope court battle goes on long enough until Rodriguez is actually dead.
- New York Yankees declare bankruptcy. Become Cayman Islands Batboys.
- Replace Alex Rodriguez with a robot. Sure, it will cost the same amount of money, but the advances in robotics will be well worth it.
- Ask Alex to void his own contract. Ask pretty please?
- Ask Alex to not not not not void his contract.
- Make Alex Rodriguez’s life miserable by guaranteeing bad coverage in New York press for rest of his career until he voluntarily quits. Wait…isn’t that already happening?
- Make Rodriguez update his “New York Yankees software” and, by agreeing to the end user license agreement, void his own contract.
- Buy one of those comical “void” stamps and stamp his contract with it.
- Invite Alex Rodriguez into Brian Cashman’s office for a meeting and in the middle, pretend that he’s turned invisible and no one can see him. Invisible men can’t cash paychecks…can they?
Legal discussions are ongoing.