The Deep Space Nine Baseball Game

Today, while doing my routine ebay search of “unrelated adjective” + “baseball”, I decided to plug in “space” and came across this cap from Deep Space Nine:

(via)

It’s actually a pretty damn good logo, especially for one showing up on TV which often means you get the closest facsimile to the Yankees logo they can get away with. But beyond knowing that the Deep Space Nine ship represented half of the seams, I was lost. You see, while I’ll spend hours pouring through Baseball-Reference pages and comic book back issue bins, I’ve never been much of a Star Trek fan. Sure, I’ve seen a few of the movies and have some affection for Patrick Stewart in Next Generation, but somehow, despite going to space being on the list of things to do when I get rich on blog money, the outer space exploits and adventures of Starfleet Command never pulled me in.

Fortunately YouTube was there to help fill in the gaps with an 8 minute long collection of the best parts of the episode entitled “Take Me Out to the Holosuite.” Watch it below:

The episode, about a baseball game between the human-lead Benjamin Sisko and the Vulcan-powered team behind Captain Solok features it all. Like:

The most extreme case of DADHAT I’ve ever seen:

A klingon with a patient eye at the plate
A complicated tagging scene
Scotch-flavored bubble gum
Kenny Lofton’s cousin, Cirroc, wearing high stirrup socks.
The importance of self-confidence even if you’re a weird looking alien:

And most importantly, a heroic bunt.

Though the Deep Space Nine crew (spoiler alert) loses the game 10-1, they emerge triumphant because they played as a team and had fun. Of course, the game can also be looked at as an early commentary on the sabermetric movement with the Deep Space Nine team not only scoring their only run on a bunt, but playing a team called The Logicians:

To further push their point across, in the Space Bar where the two teams are enjoying post-game cocktails, Captain Solok of the Logicians tells Benjamin Sisko, manager of the Niners, that he is manufacturing a victory “where none exists.” The Deep Space Niners quickly pipe up though, toasting to their manufactured triumph.

Bunts and manufactured runs triumphing over Logicians? Seems pretty clear to me. Sadly, the writers failed to include a single mother’s basement joke or even a reference to a Bill James Abstract. Hopefully there are some deleted scenes on the DVD.

The episode even spawned a fair amount of lore in the Deep Space Nine lore, necessitating a collectible sheet to be printed up with facts about the game:

(eBay)

Sadly, if Deep Space Nine is correct, baseball doesn’t have long to go in this century, soon to be phased out in place of the more exciting parrises squares and hoverball. No matter how much I love baseball, I will absolutely watch hoverball when it gets invented.

Not only that, but English ballplayer Buck Bokai will break Joe Dimaggio’s consecutive game hits record in only 30 years. Set your watches now because that’s something to keep an eye on. I always knew the English would one day have their revenge on America, I just never thought they’d do it by destroying baseball.

And for those who want a more in-depth look at the episode, be sure to check out the grand Larry Granillo’s piece over at Baseball Prospectus where he does a position-by-position breakdown of the team.

UPDATE: Larry told me to take a look at this Buck Bockai and, well, here is your record-breaking shortstop. Shortstops sure look puffier by the mid-century:

(image via Jon Baas)

It’s also interesting to note that the back of the card suggests that free agency will soon run rampant as evidenced by Bokai’s frequent team shifts, as well as the fact that he played for Gotham, possibly looping Batman into DS9 continuity.