Tony Campana Loves Portal 2
I can’t imagine how there is any other way that Campana, the 4’3” bundle of scrap that the Cubs are currently playing on a regular basis, stole four bases in the Cubs 12-7 loss to the Astros than by using portals to jump from base to base. Sure, he’s fast, but is he really that fast? Is JR Towles that bad at stopping the running game? Runners were 18/21 running on Towles coming into today, so maybe he is that bad.
It’s also the first time a player stole four bases in a game since Jacoby Ellsbury stole four bases against Jorge Posada’s fetid catching corpse on August 9th last year. That doesn’t put Towles in great catching company since Posada, thanks to the cruelties of time, has now moved to DH while Towles continues to play catcher due to a lack of other options in Houston.
This was an ugly game all the way around though as there were five errors, 19 runs, 26 hits, and neither starting pitcher made it past the fifth inning. Such is life at the bottom of the NL Central.
UPDATE: Proof that Tony Campana has the ability to manipulate the physical world around him. Notice, he has even removed himself from his MLB.com profile page!

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