Enough With ‘Fear the Beard,’ We Need New Facial Hair Catchphrases

“Beards are like snowflakes. They’re all beautiful and unique in their own way.”

- David Ross

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(image via Bless You Boys)

Listen: I love facial hair. And I love team building exercises. So, sure, I’d probably prefer it if some teams went all in with mustaches or muttonchops instead of a beard simply because variety is the spice of life. 

However, I must take umbrage with the Red Sox taking on the “Fear the Beard” mantra. Because that’s not their catchphrase, that’s the battle cry for the 2010 San Francisco Giants. Just as another team can’t throw on a pair of cowboy boots and take the Red Sox’s “Cowboy up,” the Red Sox can’t co-opt another team’s phrase.

Here then, are a few options the team could consider:

  • If you don’t know who I am…beard lightly. 
  • Burgers and Beards
  • The James Beard Award for Culinary and/or Facial Hair Excellence
  • Weird Beards
  • Sabeardmetrics
  • Hey Bro, Beard Me
  • Beard and Loathing in Boston, MA
  • In Memory of Hope Beard, Red Sox Farm Hand from 1943-1944.
  • William Shakesbeard’s Touring Company
  • The Society for Beard Growing and Facial Hair Awareness
  • Beardkeepers Society
  • The Jelly Beards (I just like how this one sounds)

So, National News Media, feel free to take your pick. Just remember, when history books write about the 2013 Boston Red Sox, do you want them to be known as Fear the Beard pt II? Or should they have their own unique identity? 

(Oh yeah, and if you happen to have a beard and are in the Boston area, you can get into Wednesday night’s game for a dollar. Which is pretty nifty.) 

  1. offthemonster reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball
  2. beardtribe reblogged this from angelelskunk
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  6. angelelskunk reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball and added:
    #beardtribe @beardtribe
  7. variationsonfox said: Well KSU had a Fear the Beard thing in 09 too. So actually it has been used a couple times. James Harden uses it too.
  8. thediamondismyhome reblogged this from oldtimefamilybaseball and added:
    I just wanted to say. You’re hilarious.
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  10. oldtimefamilybaseball posted this
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