Super Fast Baseball Recaps! Dodgers Win! Tigers Win!

It’s been an extremely long day and my eyes are getting heavy. What’s the best way to quickly summarize a ballgame? 

Maybe if you remove spaces? Like ZackGreinkepitchedgood, butnotsogood, butstillgoodenough? 

No, that makes no sense. It actually took more time to write than usual because I automatically put spaces in that I had to remove. 

What if I use bullet points like: 

  • Jake Peavy has a career 10.31 ERA in the postseason after his last loss, allowing 7 ER in 2 innings? 
  • Joe Kelly pitched like a guy named Joe Kelly that doesn’t actually play baseball but manages a Krispy Kreme, giving up four runs in five innings.

Eh, that’s too…bullet pointy. 

What about linking to videos? Like Miguel Cabrera stealing second base, something that’s batshit insane? 

Well, great, now we’re involving minor html. That’s way too much work. 

What about a poem: 

Adrian Gonzalez

hit two home runs

They were really good

Like sweet honey buns. 

No, that involves rhyming. My brain can’t handle that. As evidenced by my extremely complicated rhyme structure of Home Run to Honey Bun. 

Maybe if I just write like a second grader: 

The Dodgers won good against St. Louis because they scored more runs. They will play more baseball because of it. I like more baseball.

The Tigers beat the Red Sox because Doug Fister is always good even though people don’t think he’s that good. But he is. And now the teams are even at two and we’re going to watch a lot more of their baseball. Which is good because I like more baseball.

You know, I think I nailed it. 

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