Kevin Towers, Kirk Gibson, and the GAGE System

Yesterday the Diamondbacks acquired Mark Trumbo from the Angels in a three-way trade that saw the Halos acquired lefties Tyler Skaggs from Arizona and Hector Santiago from the White Sox. Chicago got center fielder Adam Eaton from the Diamondbacks, who also received outfielder Brandon Jacobs and righty A.J. Schugel from the White Sox and Angels respectively.

My poorly worded summary of the deal aside, in Trumbo Arizona is getting a player who hits for power and doesn’t do much else besides strike out. In 1,853 plate appearances he’s slugged .469 with a .219 ISO to go with 465 strikeouts and .299 OBP. Still, the allure of Trumbo’s bat at Chase field was enough to convince Kevin Towers to pull the trigger on the deal.

Before officially becoming a member of the team, Trumbo will have to go through the Kevin Towers- and Kirk Gibson-patented GAGE System: Grittiness and Gamerism Exam, which includes:

  • Complete game of Risk with starting pitcher Patrick Corbin (minimum nine hours): regardless of win or loss, graded out based on strategy, tantrums thrown, and fictional army history created
  • Dirt ingestion test: speed and capacity, measured in pounds per second and by overall volume
  • Two-day fasting session in Baxter the Bobcat’s sweat lodge: real, live bobcat released inside once the door has been locked behind Trumbo; graded by perseverance and resistance to rabies
  • Swimming lessons in the Chase Field pool: protip - refuse to do it; no grade, only threats
  • Dodger hate gauge reading: Yasiel Puig is a showboat; graded purely on agree/disagree

As with all trades, time will tell who ends up winning this one and whether Trumbo can pass with flying colors.

  1. oldtimefamilybaseball posted this
blog comments powered by Disqus