Old Time Family Baseball

7/27, 1:49 AM ET : Jerry Meals blows what was an easy and important call at home plate. It was the nineteenth inning of a game between the Pirates and Braves. The proceeding uproar causes the MLB to institute robot umpires manufactured by UmpNet.

7/27, 12:00 PM ET: Unbeknownst to the general public, UmpNet becomes self-aware.

7/27, 12:30 PM ET: Having gained access to the electric infrastructure of Yankee Stadium, UmpNet uses the extensive system to mind-meld with each player on the Seattle Mariners.

7/27, 1:18 PM ET: After successfully the infiltrating iPads of the Cardinals organization, UmpNet orchestrates a trade using an algorithm it self-developed based on its MLB 2K11 programming.

7/27, 4:07 PM ET: UmpNet utilizes its superior targeting and computational skills to halt the Mariners’ 17 game losing streak.

7/27, 2:27 PM ET: Ervin Santana no-hits the Cleveland Indians, a historic baseball feat that UmpNet could not have predicted, but one that played into its plans nonetheless.

7/27, 8:13 PM ET: Realizing the extent of the danger that UmpNet poses, Mariners GM Jack Zduriencik signs the one player who can save humanity.