Lenny Dykstra Heads to Jail For Nine Months

This is just a tip for all of you lonely, horrible men out there: do not, and I mean DO NOT, post a Craigslist ad looking for a personal assistant and then expose yourself to the applicants. 

That’s what Casual Encounters is for. 

For more on the sentencing, click here

He’s a Real Winner: Lenny Dykstra Adds Anti-Semitism to the List

At this point I struggle to remember that Lenny Dykstra ever had a Major League career to begin with, what with his list of criminal and merely immoral activities now filling his resume.

After Lenny Dykstra’s manager, Dan Herman, withdrew the $30,000 he posted for Dykstra’s bail because he was worried that Dykstra would attempt to flee to Mexico, Dykstra took to Twitter:

“Fu herman! I don’t need your jew gold, go ahead take away my bail! I didn’t get stupid over night.”

"20 something year old thinks he has power over me! Herman and his kind are greedy born spies"

"herman is a penny pinching jew gold hoarding kid trying to put me back in the cooler bro #danherman"

Thanks, Lenny, for the proof that truly despicable people do exist. Sadly, Dykstra’s feelings are echoed by a growing number of Americans with the Anti-Defamation League reporting that 40 million people in this country have “serious anti-semitism.” 

(via Larry Brown Sports)

What’s a Few More Criminal Charges Between Friends?

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny. You have been a busy boy, haven’t you? After already filing for bankruptcy, appearing for an interview while drunk, getting arrested for bankruptcy fraud and getting bailed out by Charlie Sheen in the past year, Dykstra has now been charged with drug possession and grand theft auto.

Take it away, Associated Press:

"Prosecutors claim Dykstra, his accountant and a friend leased three high-end cars from a Southern California dealership this year by providing phony information and claiming credit through a phony business.

Police who arrested Dykstra at his Los Angeles home in April allegedly found cocaine, Ecstasy and synthetic human growth hormone.”

It’s a miracle that Lenny Dykstra even has the wherewithal and mental capacity to continue getting into this kind of trouble, so in a way, he should be applauded.

Offically the church won’t take any postion with the religious implications of these phenomenons. Personally Lenny, I think it’s a sign from God, but don’t quote me on that.

Lenny Dykstra Has No Limits

Within the past two months Dykstra has already been interviewed while drunk and arrested for bankruptcy fraud, and, not surprisingly, Charlie Sheen has come to his rescue. Sheen put up $22,500 to bail Dykstra out of jail, saying this in the process:

"The rendition guilty trolls that kidnapped my dear friend Nails clearly forgot that he’s a fellow Vatican assassin and his best pal is a warlock."

We’re going to need a Tolkien scholar to be able to translate that mess. 

But wait, it gets worse, as a woman he hired to be his housekeeper is suing him because:

"…Dykstra led her to a guesthouse, gave her a box of oils, disrobed and jumped on a bed.

"He said he had a lot of injuries from being an athlete and needed her to massage him as part of the job," Fiore said. "That’s when she ran out."

Keep up the great work, Lenny! 

Lenny Dykstra Arrested for Bankruptcy Fraud

That’s what the LA Times says. Things more surprising than this information: 

  • Everything.
  • Anything.
  • Honestly, anything you can think of. Just do it. That breath you just took? Yeah, that’s more surprising than this news. 

Good luck, Lenny. Hope the $50,000 sinks were worth it. 

Welcome to Lenny’s Korner.

I’m not sure how many drinks you need before Lenny even begins to make sense, though one thing is for sure: the guy hates Mitch Williams. 

(h/t BBTF)

It is very simple and it is called, predatory lending, meaning, look, I don’t want to get into this ‘new world order’ stuff. I am a normal guy meaning I don’t believe in ghosts. I am not afraid of the dark, a basic guy alright, meaning never in my life did I think there was such corporate crime. JP Morgan, those guys are criminals. They are criminals and they are going to have to pay. Fireman’s Fund? Criminals! Meaning, I have to set an example and my example is the help through other people. The bottom line is, I didn’t get stupid overnight, ok? These people, some of the stuff I read, I don’t read much because I feel bad for my eyes, but I see some of the stuff, it’s insanity! The only one that got this thing right was [Jim] Cramer. Cramer. Cramer has been the only guy right.

Lenny Dykstra Blames Wall Street for His Financial Woes - New York Baseball Digest (via sportsnetny)

Surely he means Cosmo Kramer, right? Not Jim “Bear Stearns” Cramer, right?

(via )